Breaking Wind: An Exclusive Interview with Paul Hunn, the Man Behind the Legendary 1972 Flint Fart
by: Windy McGust from The Rhubarb Times / Satire
On a breezy May 11th, 1972, in the quiet town of Flint, Michigan, history was made in the most unexpected of ways. Paul Hunn, a man of seemingly ordinary talents, released a fart that would echo through the annals of time—lasting an astonishing two minutes and 42 seconds. The Rhubarb Times sat down with Paul Hunn to uncover the secrets behind this legendary event and to get a whiff of the truth behind the fart heard 'round the world.
The Rhubarb Times (RT): Paul, thank you for sitting down with us today. Let's start from the beginning. How did you prepare for this monumental fart?
Paul Hunn (PH): Oh, it's my pleasure, Windy. Preparation for this grand expulsion was both an art and a science. I started the day with a hearty breakfast of beans, cabbage, and a dozen hard-boiled eggs. Hydration was key, so I washed it all down with a gallon of prune juice. Then, I performed some deep-breathing exercises to expand my abdominal capacity. You might say I was in a meditative state, truly one with my gastrointestinal tract.
RT: Fascinating. Describe for us what it was like during the fart. What was going through your mind as the seconds turned into minutes?
PH: The moment I felt the rumble, I knew it was showtime. It began as a gentle breeze, but quickly built into a roaring gust. Time seemed to slow down. I could feel every vibration, every ripple of the sound waves. I remember thinking, "Is this really happening? Am I about to break the sound barrier with my behind?" The room was eerily quiet, save for the continuous rumble of my own creation. It was a transcendent experience, like the world had faded away and there was only me and the fart.
RT: And what about the smell, Paul? What was the room like before and after your historic flatulence?
PH: Before the event, the room smelled of anticipation and a hint of Axe Body Spray, as I wanted to maintain some level of decorum. But after... well, it was as if a chemical warfare had been unleashed. Imagine a concoction of rotten eggs, sulfur, and aged cheese, all mixed together in a blender and left to ferment for a week. The air was thick, almost visible, with a greenish haze hanging over everything. People had to evacuate the building, and I'm pretty sure a few plants wilted on the spot.
RT: Were there any repercussions from the fart? Did you face any consequences, medically or otherwise?
PH: Surprisingly, no permanent damage was done to my body. However, I did feel a bit lightheaded and had to sit down for a while. As for the repercussions, let's just say I was not invited to any more social gatherings for quite some time. The building required a deep clean, and I've been banned from that particular venue ever since. But it was all worth it for the sake of making history.
RT: Truly an unforgettable event. Paul, do you have any advice for aspiring farters out there who might be looking to follow in your footsteps?
PH: Absolutely. My advice is to listen to your body and know your limits. Start small and work your way up. Diet is crucial—beans and cabbage are your best friends. And most importantly, never hold back. Embrace your inner wind warrior and let it blow!
And there you have it, folks. The man, the myth, the legend—Paul Hunn. A true pioneer in the world of flatulence, his story will continue to inspire farters for generations to come. Stay tuned for more breaking wind news only at The Rhubarb Times.